बधाई is for events — a marriage, a baby, a promotion, a new house. शाबाश is for performance and is said downward in age or seniority, from a teacher, parent or manager. Saying शाबाश to your boss would be badly wrong; saying it to a child who has done well is exactly right.

आपने बहुत मेहनत की — you worked very hard — is the compliment that lands best in India, because effort is valued above talent in a way that is culturally quite consistent. Praising someone’s hard work is warmer than praising their ability, which can imply the achievement came easily.

गृह प्रवेश is the ceremony held when a family moves into a new home, involving a priest, a small fire ritual and a great deal of food. Being invited is a compliment, and the conventional gifts are sweets, something for the kitchen, or a small idol or plant.

A note on babies: congratulations go to the whole family, not only the parents. Grandparents in particular expect to be congratulated, and दादी बनने की बधाई — congratulations on becoming a grandmother — is a genuinely warm thing to say.

Indians rarely accept credit directly. The conventional response to congratulations deflects it — to God, to elders’ blessings, to luck. Saying आप सबके आशीर्वाद से rather than ‘thank you, I worked hard for it’ is the culturally fluent reply, and a flat acceptance of praise can read as immodest.

There is a superstition running underneath this that is worth knowing. Excessive praise, particularly of a child or a new possession, is thought to attract नज़र — the evil eye — which is why a compliment is sometimes followed by a quick protective phrase, or why parents downplay a child’s achievements in public. Black thread tied on a baby’s wrist and a black dot on the forehead serve the same purpose. Deflecting credit is partly modesty and partly a hedge against drawing attention.

बधाई has an aspirated dh and a long ee at the end. शाबाश has two long aa sounds and ends in sh. हक़दार contains the deep क़, usually softened. तरक़्क़ी doubles that same sound. And कृपा opens with a कृ — the Sanskrit vocalic r, pronounced roughly ‘kri’, which appears in many formal words.

• Saying शाबाश to someone older or senior to you.
• Using बधाई for a performance rather than an event.
• Congratulating only the parents on a birth and omitting grandparents.
• Accepting congratulations flatly instead of deflecting to blessings.
• Praising ability rather than effort, which is the warmer compliment in India.

1. Congratulate someone on a job, a baby and a new house.
2. Sort five situations into बधाई and शाबाश.
3. Practise three ways of deflecting credit when congratulated.
4. Compliment someone’s hard work rather than their talent.
5. Write a short congratulation message for a colleague’s promotion.